by Pastor Jake
Jake Carver is the Lead Pastor of Cornerstone Baptist Church. He is married to Jamie and they have three beautiful children.
An All-Too-Common Reality
A Pastor stands before his congregation. The bad news that has weighed on his heart for days will now be known by his flock. He stands alone with a palpitating heart, and a dry mouth. He steps to the microphone and begins to speak.
This somewhat allegorical short-story is all too common in many churches in America today. I have many friends and mentors who have shared this same experience, and there is one word above all others that I’m sure seized your attention:
Alone.
Few are unfamiliar with this feeling. A neglected spouse making every decision for the family; a student in over his head with test preparation; a doctor in the operating room; a police officer on a solo patrol approaching a suspicious person. Loneliness in life is a common experience. For some, it is short lived, for others it seems a constant reality. There are few struggles quite like feeling lonely. For some Pastors, what often first appears a light at the end of a tunnel of loneliness can actually turn into the headlight of a locomotive.
It Was Never Supposed to Be This Way!
When the LORD saw the man alone in the Garden, with both power and great wisdom he proclaimed, “It is not good for man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18) The LORD gave the man his wife, and before the fall, there was no greater blessing than their shame-free companionship, together with God in the Garden.
Those in the Bible who had companionship, be it in marriage or in friendship, seemed to enjoy strength and encouragement through such profound relationships.
Jonathan both encouraged David and saved his life. (1 Samuel 18)
Aaron supported Moses with his speech, and his arms! (Exodus 17)
Boaz acted as the kinsman redeemer to Ruth and Naomi. (Ruth 4)
The Disciples remained with Jesus when others disappeared. (John 6)
There are these relationships and companionships all throughout the Scriptures that are most profoundly found in the churches of the New Testament when all came together and “had everything in common” in sharing, and worshipping, and fellowshipping together. (Acts 2)
Alone is Dangerous!
In January 2024, I took a trip to Nepal with my Lead Pastor, a Layleader and friend, and a group of Pastors and men from another church. Our mission in Nepal was to produce Men’s Conferences in two locations: Kathmandu and Jiri. One of the key messages of these men’s conferences came in the form of three words: Alone is Dangerous.
Now admittedly, I was not sure how much this message was cross such vast different contexts of American men and Nepali men. Certainly in America there seems to be greater temptation for immorality and slow backsliding as there is greater weather, and greater access to in unprotected corners of the internet.
Boy, was I wrong.
The message about loneliness, and danger in loneliness transferred to the Nepali context and culture seamlessly. Men were encouraged and excited to form small groups for Bible Study, fellowship and transparency. I, myself was encouraged in a new way to never live life alone, but with friends and transparency, especially with my wife.
Back to the Allegorical Pastor
What does this have to do with this lonely pastor preparing to address his church? The reason for this post is not only meant to be informative but also an appeal for health Eldership and Diaconate in our churches.
Diaconate (or, a body of Deacons) are a group of men committed to serving the church together. Churches are meant to have many willing and eager to serve. But as leaders in the church, Deacons are still held to a high Biblical standard for how to live and how to act in ministry.
[8] Deacons likewise must be dignified, not double-tongued, not addicted to much wine, not greedy for dishonest gain. [9] They must hold the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience. [10] And let them also be tested first; then let them serve as deacons if they prove themselves blameless. [11] Their wives likewise must be dignified, not slanderers, but sober-minded, faithful in all things. [12] Let deacons each be the husband of one wife, managing their children and their own households well. [13] For those who serve well as deacons gain a good standing for themselves and also great confidence in the faith that is in Christ Jesus.
1 Timothy 3:8–13
In order for men to be able to live up to this standard, they must be working together, praying for one another and transparent with one another. It’s not an easy task, but it is a powerful one for the church. The key for Deacons is a willingness to serve and do the humble tasks. As the song states, Little is Much when God is in It.
Elders, on the other hand, are not necessarily Elderly, but the men meant to be the overseers of the church. These men make decisions for the church. They are the arbiters in Church Discipline (Matthew 18) cases between the initial confrontation, and the offender standing before the church. They also set the vision and direction for the church in accordance to God’s word. Qualifications for Elders are as follows:
[5] This is why I left you in Crete, so that you might put what remained into order, and appoint elders in every town as I directed you—[6] if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination. [7] For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, [8] but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. [9] He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.
Titus 1:5–9
A key difference here is the teaching of sound doctrine and refuting error. This also carries over into the life of the church.
I believe that the biggest cause for loneliness for our Pastor friend at the beginning of the post is that he is likely a Senior Pastor in a church without Elders. He makes decisions, and he alone is either the hero or the villain of the difficult church decisions. Consider those two outcomes:
A hero is celebrated.
A villain is scorned.
Why Eldership? No single man should be the hero of our churches unless that man is the Lord Jesus Christ. And no single man should be the villain of any important and difficult decisions in our churches because churches are a body, not merely one.
I was so excited to come to Cornerstone because I knew that I would have the additional wisdom and protection of Elders. I knew that as a first time Lead Pastor I would suffer if I were truly alone. I knew that I wasn’t smart enough, or prepared enough, or familiar enough with the church, or strong enough to stand alone.
And when they had appointed elders for them in every church, with prayer and fasting they committed them to the Lord in whom they had believed.
Acts 14:23
Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood.
Acts 20:28
I love Elders. I love Deacons. I lover Cornerstone.
Best,
Pastor Jake
