As I write this post, I am reminded of two things. First, WORDS MATTER. The words we choose and the tone in which we deliver them leave lasting impressions. I pray that my words will cause us to think deeply about a conversation we need to have as a people, nation, and Christians. Second, no one reads or listens to the full context of a conversation. We tend to latch on to a single portion…please don’t do that. I have been hesitant to use any illustrations because they can be misunderstood. I’ve chosen two that I think are not very controversial to lay out a discussion worthy of consideration. Please get past them…we CAN engage in a meaningful dialogue.
It was almost twenty years ago…but I remember it like yesterday.
I was sent an email, inviting me to attend a staff meeting. Just to be sure I received the email; I was then called by the administrative assistant. I had been serving for little more than a month, I was a teenager, and I was totally unprepared for this moment. I knew there were problems…but I didn’t know what side to take. I didn’t know if there was a side to take. I didn’t even know which chair to sit down in!
Not realizing that the “proper” approach to this type of meeting was to show up last…apparently that is a power move…I showed up 15 minutes early; I mean, that’s what I always had been taught.
I sat in the room for what seemed like an eternity. It was probably little more than five minutes. One by one, people began to enter. As the room began to fill up, people spoke in hushed voices – “What did you hear?…Have you talked to Harold?…Yes, he’s on our side…What about Bill?…I called him, but he didn’t say a word. He just listened…Bill is going to be the deciding vote. I hope he’s on our side…I guess we will soon find out…” – and on and on it went.
The meeting began…it was fairly ugly. One side said terrible things, which were rebuffed by the other side.
As the meeting began, I didn’t know what to pray for, so I prayed – “God show me what to do and help me not to speak more than I should.”
I don’t really know how long the meeting had been going on, to be honest, no one was really letting anyone else speak. One person would begin a statement, only to be cut off by the next, and an opposing partner would then cut him/her off. There were probably eighteen people in the room, by my best recollection.
But there was only one who stood out…
He stood out because he was the only person not speaking at all. Almost in the corner of the room, sat an elderly man (probably in his 70’s). I don’t even really remember what was said, because God answered my prayer – He showed me what to do.
Bill (no, that’s not his real name) sat in his chair, his head slightly bowed, and his hands clasped together in a gentle embrace – almost prayerfully – between his knees. His gaze was fixed upon his hands, almost willing them into submission; but obviously taking it all in.
After everyone had hollered, carried on, and gotten tired of speaking…Bill lifted his head. He spoke in little more than a hush. I had to strain forward just to hear him.
When he spoke…everyone stopped and listened. Calm was restored.
After the meeting, I asked Bill if we could have a coffee. He agreed and we met up the next day.
We sat down at a local diner, kind of out of the way, in a corner booth. I went on and on for an eternity about how impressed I was with his wisdom, his candor, his body language, even his silence…Bill never said a word – BECAUSE I DIDN’T LET HIM! HA! He just sat and sipped his coffee, listening to a teenage kid who didn’t know any better.
When I wrapped up my thoughts…he took a final sip of coffee and said the following (to the best of my recollection):
“I was a drill sergeant in the army…I learned a few tricks along the way. First, don’t speak if it doesn’t matter. Second, don’t speak if no one is listening. Third, don’t speak when others are shouting. Fourth, don’t speak if you don’t know what to say…as you can see, what I really learned about being a drill sergeant – don’t speak…unless it’s absolutely necessary.”
January 19, 2019…
A young man named Nick Sandmann joined his classmates at the March for Life in Washington, D.C. Unless you have lived under a rock for the last year, you know what happened…
Videos showing high schoolers chanting as a Native American man danced around. The man made his way to Nick, getting within inches, maybe a foot, from his face; chanting and singing. All the while…this high school senior smiled.
The image was interesting…if a picture says a thousand words, the media was going to fill in the blanks. They went on and on about the disgusting imagery. They accused the high schoolers of making fun of Native Americans. They said Nick was inciting violence, a provoker of confrontation, and culturally insensitive.
For days, an 18-year-old young man was demonized as a racist…
One prominent evangelical women’s ministry leader wrote on twitter – “I cannot shake the terror of adolescents already indoctrinated enough in hate and disrespect to smile that chillingly and jeer without shame or fear of God. Uncurbed, this utter glee in dehumanizing is what humanitarian horrors are made of.”
What made it so sensational – a red hat and a few words. It was a story writing itself for a culture committed to a particular conclusion.
And then it wasn’t…
A quick google search and you will find out that the entire episode was concocted…it turns out that it was not the Catholic kids who had started the confrontation at all. In fact, the media had to change their tune and report the restraint shown by the teenagers to stand and smile, while THEY were being harassed, reviled, and targeted.
So egregious was this error, Sandmann sued the Washington Post for $250 million and CNN for $275 million. In November of last year, a federal judge allowed the cases to go forward, given the evidence. In January, 2020, CNN settled the lawsuit for an “undisclosed amount,” with an acknowledgement that their reporting was flawed (https://www.cnn.com/2020/01/07/media/cnn-settles-lawsuit-viral-video/index.html).
It truly was an amazing story about how fast a story can spread…how difficult it is to get the truth out after…and how DANGEROUS it is to speak about something you know little about.
WHY COMPARE THE TWO STORIES?
Politics? – Nope.
Division? – Nope.
Trashing a fellow evangelical? – Nope.
It’s really simple…the two stories and approaches applied to a situation show a very distinct change in our communication in the last 20 years.
20 years ago, the evangelical leader would not have had a platform to make such a statement so quickly…she would have had time for the facts to come out before comment. In fact, none of us probably would have even known about the incident 20 years ago, as it was recorded by a cell phone and posted on social media…and it went viral.
It got me thinking…
Ephesians 5:12, “For it is shameful to even mention what the disobedient (sinners) do in secret.”
I was sitting in an ethics class, listening to four professors debate a subject – “media and the Christian response.” They were asking some penetrating questions. A student asked, “What about war? It’s ok to put violence on a screen if it’s historical, right?”
My New Testament professor, Dr. Rodney Reeves, took a deep breath. The philosophy professor gave an answer, then the dean of the school of arts, and then an English professor offered his thoughts. Finally, Dr. Reeves said (again, to the best of my remembrance), “that much violence, regardless of whether it is real or manufactured, bruises the soul. I don’t know how the Christian balances this with the instruction of Ephesians 5:12….at what point are we glorying in sin and missing the Savior.”
All these years later, I finally understand why Dr. Reeves took a deep breath…I don’t always know how to apply Ephesians 5:12…and I think that was the reason for his pause as well.
We live in the day of “Clickbait.” What is that? Oxford online dictionary defines “Clickbait” as, “content whose main purpose is to attract attention and encourage visitors to click on a link to a particular web page.”
Our media is paid by their views…the number of clicks…the sensational.
People are paid on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter by the number of interactions they get – clicks.
How do you get clicks? – You make your content provocative…sensational.
We live in a climate of “Cancel Culture.” This term is a little harder to define, at least in practice, but it supposes that there is a societal norm, based on the convictions and/or beliefs of the predominate civilization. When an individual acts in a way that is against the predominate position of the culture, the culture then “cancels” the individual. They do this through shame, boycotts, online harassment, and more.
Then there is social media…what a pandora’s box we opened. To be clear, social media can be used for great good. But it can also be used for great harm. Social media started as an online platform for “connectedness.” What it has become is altogether different.
Corporations, news media, education institutions, churches, and the more; they saw the potential for social media to be used for more than just connection – it can be used for the dissemination of information. And…this is important…information can spread at the speed of the source’s typing ability. When that wasn’t enough, they added the “LIVE” feature…information became instantaneous.
Add to these a divided people, the constant assumption of guilt, and politics; what do you get? – A fire that burns and is fed every moment of every day. Imagine every person in the world has a microphone and platform to say whatever they want, whenever they want, however they want, without any type of fencing…
“How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell” (James 3:5b-6).
Earlier in the chapter, James warns about people wanting to be teachers…to have a microphone. He warns that very few should do such, for they cannot control their tongue.
I wonder if James would have been found on Facebook? Lol. Maybe he would have been an Instagram guy, where he need only post a few selfies and a sentence. Lol.
Alright…I have sufficiently offended everyone (and myself)…let’s get to some tough questions:
- At what point have we crossed the line between “informing the public” and “stoking the fire?”
- Is it good for us to know “everything?”
- What should I comment on and what should I stay silent about?
- Is silence a sign of “complicity” or “contemplation?”
- If I am silent, won’t I lose my “effectiveness?”
- Why do we/I feel the need to comment, give our/my opinion about things I know little about?
- What can Jesus teach us about engaging a culture?
Let me try to blend some philosophy and theology for a few minutes…some of these are “ethics” questions. We are entering the difficult field of application, which often looks different from person to person.
And let me begin with what I learned from a drill sergeant many years ago – “First, don’t speak if it doesn’t matter. Second, don’t speak if no one is listening. Third, don’t speak when others are shouting. Fourth, don’t speak if you don’t know what to say…as you can see, what I really learned about being a drill sergeant – don’t speak…unless it’s absolutely necessary.”
Psalm 4:4, “Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent.”
Proverbs 11:12, “Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent.”
Proverbs 17:28, “Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.”
Question 1 – “At what point have we crossed the line between ‘informing the public’ and ‘stoking the fire?’”
For me, this is one of the most difficult in application. But based on Ephesians 5:12 and Philippians 4:8, I think there are two litmus tests. First, does my conversation, speech, or heralding of an event glory in the sin or the Savior? In other words, does my focus or bringing attention to a particular matter draw one’s senses to the evil or the cure for evil? Second, is my heralding focused on what is true, noble, just, right, etc.?
The argument against this is always, “We can’t only talk about the easy stuff. No one would know anything.” I would respond:
- Is it not possible to deal with difficult issues without glorifying the sin?
- Is bad behavior worthy of my comment every time?
That really leads into question 2 – “Is it good for us to know ‘everything?’” I would suggest that this is naïve. We don’t know “everything.” Nor is it possible for us to know “everything.” Our views are always shaped by the sources we take in and there is no such thing as an unbiased source.
I want to be careful at this point…I am not positing a pessimistic view of truth. I believe in absolute truth and that truth is attainable. However, to know truth, there must be a willingness on our part to consider all the arguments, depend upon the Holy Spirit, and push aside emotion – a process very few are actually willing to do.
More often than not, we form OPINIONS. If there is one phrase that I particularly don’t like as a pastor it is, “this is my opinion.” In fact, I try to stay away from using the term. You will hear me say, more often than not, “this is my perspective.” It may be semantics, but I am admitting my bias at the start in such a phrase and commending myself to the possibility I am wrong.
As believers in Christ, we are supposed to be different than the world, with specific regards to truth. We are not to be caught up in idle babble and vain philosophy. Our OPINIONS are to be laid at the altar of TRUTH.
But TRUTH is not often timely…it takes a little while to gather the facts. Mark Twain famously quipped, “A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.” Today, Twain might concede, “A lie makes it all the way around the world before the truth wakes up.”
The societal structure, fueled by social media, creates an intoxicating mix – I feel like I need to comment quickly so people know I’m engaged + I react to the limited information available + I have a platform that reaches thousands of people with the stroke of a few keys = COMPLETE DISASTER.
One final point – No…I don’t “need” to know “everything.” I “want” to know “everything.” But I do not “need” to. There are things that do not need to be transmitted, they bruise the soul. The dissenter would say, “you just want to stick your head in the mud and pretend…” I guess…Hebrews 12:2, “fixing our eyes on Jesus Christ, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith.” Sometimes, I’d be better off just to turn to Jesus and trust Him.
On a separate but related issue, one struggle I have as a parent is knowing what to subject my children to. On the one hand, we want our children to be prepared for the world they encounter. On the other hand, I want my children to be…CHILDREN. With recent situations, I have seen a lot of people say things like, “my child was watching the news last night and they started asking me ________________.” I want to be clear, I’M NOT TELLING ANY PARENT HOW TO PARENT THEIR CHILD. Every parent is given the responsibility by God to parent their children. It is a difficult world to navigate these days. Every parent must navigate that world and every child is different.
With that said, for Kellie and I, we are guarded about what our children watch. We want our children to be children. We worry about stripping them of their innocence. We want them to be kids for as long as possible…they’ll have an entire lifetime to be adults. For those reasons, we guard their innocence. We want to shepherd their world view. We want them to hear from us in the proper way at the proper time.
Parents…be careful what you subject your kids to.
Question 3 – “What should I comment on and what should I remain silent about?”
The ethics get more difficult…
I really should tie it in with questions four and five (see above). I think wisdom would suggest the following:
First, have a clear, defined purpose for your platform. I’ll use my Facebook page as an example. If you look through it, you will find every post is about basically three things – family, faith, and education. I try to make every post either a connection point with my friends and family, a discourse on my faith, or an educational opportunity (such as this). The exceptions for these rules are when I use it to promote an opportunity at church, which is really a big part of my faith.
Second, having defined your purpose, really evaluate your “effectiveness.” How many people are really sitting around waiting for me to comment? As the president of the Southern Baptist Convention – probably quite a few (thousands, if not millions). As the pastor at Cornerstone – probably just my mom. Lol. As one commenter noted, we probably have an inflated view of ourselves and, therefore, the need for comment.
Third, silence does not mean “complicity.” Sometimes (most of the time in my case) other people are more effective at communicating…God has gifted them for such moments…embrace them. Further, there is grace in silence. A lesson I’m still learning, I observed many years ago in a meeting – when you speak less, you speak more. If you post less, more people tend to engage when you find it appropriate to post.
I might even suggest – speaking less might make you more effective.
Again, I’m still learning…be patient with me, beloved.
Now we get to some meaty questions…
Question 6 – “Why do we/I feel the need to comment, give our/my opinion about things I know little about?”
I wish I had a good answer for this…I struggle daily. I think we want to be “relevant.” I think we want to make our mark in history. I think I want…to be “liked” (intentional pun).
But isn’t this dangerous? Should not my goal to be found “faithful?” Isn’t my purpose in exalting Christ?
And this really is the answer to all of this, isn’t it? If I would just ask one simple question – “Does what I am about to say bring honor to Christ?” If it doesn’t, you know what to do with it. If it does, it’s worthy of transmission.
One last question – “What does Jesus teach me about engaging a culture?”
Luke 7 is really instructive…there is a story of a sinful woman coming before Jesus. She washed his feet and kissed them, anointed them with an ointment. The problem was the woman’s character. A man named Simon spoke to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would have known who and what sort of woman this is who is touching him, for she is a sinner” (Luke 7:39). Interestingly, even though Simon had not even said this audibly, Jesus answered by saying, “Simon, I have something to say to you” – only He didn’t.
Jesus proceeds to tell a story about two debtors…and verse 42 says, “When they could not pay, he cancelled the debt of both. Now which of them will love him more?” Notice that? – Jesus asked a question.
This would take too long to work out and I have spilled too much ink already, but search the gospels and you will find a theme – Jesus often engaged His audience by asking questions, as opposed to making statements. There are times and places to make statements…but it is amazing how many questions He asks.
Why?
I think Jesus knew something – a question is often more disarming than a proclamation. When I make a statement and my conversation partner disagrees, he is immediately defensive. Whether it was intended or not, I have insulted him – I have told him he is wrong.
When we ask questions, we disarm our partner. We allow them to come to a conclusion on their own. We also allow ourselves space to develop, based on further information.
One of the best things Jesus teaches us about engaging a culture – it’s ok to ask questions.
What I hope is not lost – this is a discussion WORTHY OF OUR CONSIDERATION. I feared even using the illustrations above. If your politics are different than Nick’s, well then you might have tuned out. But I pray not…believers, we need to know how to interact with each other and our neighbors; whether that be on social media, in a pew, or sitting in a restaurant.
With the great privilege of social media comes a great responsibility – your words are there forever.
But this isn’t just a lesson about social media…it’s about all communication.
May I learn to ask more questions, speak less, be more patient for information to gather, allow for disagreement, and understand my own (in)effectiveness.
One more time:
Proverbs 17:28, “Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.”
Sometimes the wisest thing is to be silent…let the room talk for a while. If the Lord puts something worth saying on my tongue, He’ll give me the opportunity to say it.
The pot calling the kettle black…but I’m trying.
Held by Grace, PC